


The Voices in His Head

by Zephros



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Asshole Gamzee, BDSM, Blood, Blood Drinking, Character Death, Gore, Major Character Injury, Multi, Multiple Pairings, Rape, Sadism, Torture, non-con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-12 09:59:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13545003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zephros/pseuds/Zephros
Summary: Gamzee Makara never had good thoughts. The only reason they didn't control him is because the sopor drowned them out. Silenced them.But when the sopor stops helping, the voices overpower him until he loses himself and eventually becomes a slave to the voices in his head.





	1. Voices

Gamzee's hive had become run down and dirty. He didn't care for his home anymore, not since he became a puppet for the voices in his head. They were always shouting, overlapping, fighting. It was starting to drive him crazy. He hadn't left his hive for months, surviving solely on tasteless pie. Of course his friends were worried about him, but he managed to subdue their worries by messaging them constantly. He had come up with the excuse that he was fighting a severe illness that needed him to rest up for a long time, and that it was extremely contagious which meant he had to avoid all other trolls and people. Although he knew they would eventually doubt him, he figured that he would have completely lost it by then and possibly would have killed himself.

Obviously the day was slow and boring. Without seeing his friends and without the high he got from the sopor, Gamzee realised how empty his life really was. How dependent on other trolls he was. The purpleblood was starting to question whether he was ever a good friend to anybody, or if he was just a burden.

'Of course you're not a bur-'  
'HE IS OBVIOUSLY A BURDEN, ALL HE'S EVER DO-'  
'He's never done jack shit wrong, aside fro-'  
'Jack shit? I think not! He's done many-'  
'HOW ABOUT YOU GUYS SHUT THE FUCK U-'  
'Don't tell me to shut up you motherfu-'  
'KER? Try finding a NEW FUCKING VOCAB.'

It was times like these that he felt like ripping all his hair out, biting his tongue in half, clawing his eyes out. Anything that would distract his attention from the voices, even if the focus was pain.

By the time the voices had calmed down, hours had passed. He hadn't messaged anyone on trollian all day and decided he should, just to keep them at bay. Logging on, he noticed that no-one had reached out to him. Not his moirail, not any of his friends either. Though he was confused, he was also strangely hurt. Maybe he didn't need to message anyone at all. If he could give up the facade, it would make his time a lot easier. Considering the stress that Gamzee went through every time he messaged someone. Not once in the past did he ever 'think' about what he was going to reply with. Whatever he thought about someone's previous message, he'd let it out in a second. Yet now, every time he would receive a message, the voices began overlapping, shouting. He couldn't hear his own thoughts and struggled to reply. Nonetheless, he decided to at least try to message one of his so-called "friends". (He had decided then and there, that he no longer had a moirail as far as he was concerned.)

\-- terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling adiosToreador [AT] at 07:16 --

TC: hOw ArE yOu HoLdiNg uP mY mIrAcUlOuS bRoThEr? 

Gamzee took a pause, and realised Tavros wasn't even online. Although he was remotely upset with everyone, he decided it was best for him to pretend everything was normal.  
'I wonder why he's taki-'  
'It's because he never liked yo-'  
'OF COURSE HE DID'  
'are you sure abo-'  
'OF COURSE I'M SURE'  
'STOP SHOUTING YOU ASSHOL-'  
'I'LL STOP SHOUTING WHEN YOU STOP SHOUT-'

"SHUT THE HELL UP YOU MOTHERFUCKING TORTUROUS SOUNDS!" Gamzee's outbursts quietened down for a moment, only to pick back up again. He was close to tears at this point. Although he wasn't disappointed due to the fact that every time he tried to shout louder than them in the past, it never stopped the constant noise for more than a minute or two. However, before he could lose it again and go on a rampage through his hive, a ping notified him that he had received a message.

AT: gAMZEE,,,  
AT: i wAS wORRIED aBOUT yOU,  
AT: sORRY i dIDN,T gET tHE cHANCE tO mESSAGE yOU tODAY,  
AT: ,,,  
AT: i wAS bUSY,  
TC: hOw WaS yOuR bUsY dAy?  
TC: hAd To Be MoThErFuCkInG eXcItInG  
TC: WhY dId YoU nOt LeT mE kNoW wHeN yOu WeRe FrEe?

Gamzee paused, and realised he was slipping a little, letting some of his feelings out. Bad feelings. 

TC: HaHa  
TC: aNyWaY  
TC: I hEaRd ThAt YoU wErE gEtTiNg BaCk InTo fIdUsPaWn?  
TC: Or At LeAsT tRyInG tO?  
AT: uHH,, yEAH! i,M gLAD yOU tOOK nOTE oF tHAT,,  
AT: yOU,RE a rEALLY gOOD fRIEND,  
AT: hOW hAS,,,,,, yOUR dAY bEEN?  
TC: iT's BeEn As GoOd As An IlL mOtHeRfUcKeR cOuLd HaVe  
AT: }:(  
AT: i,, hOPE yOU gET bETTER sOON,,,  
AT: hOW lONG hAVE yOU,,,, hAD tHIS iLLNESS nOW,,,  
AT: iT,S bEEN fOREVER sINCE i,VE sEEN yOU  
AT: iT wOULD bE,,, nICE,,,, iF i cOULD hELP  
AT: iN aNY wAY i cAN

Suddenly, the voices went silent. An idea popped into Gamzee's head. It was a sick, twisted, disgusting idea. But it was all he had.

TC: aCtUaLlY, iT hAs CaLmEd DoWn NoW  
TC: wHy DoN't YoU cOmE oVeR?  
TC: yOu WoN't GeT iLl AnD wE cOuLd HaVe,  
TC: A mIrAcUlOuS cAtCh-Up SeSsIoN  
TC: mAyBe EvEn A jAm SeSsIon?  
AT: uHH,,, i,M nOT sURE aBOUT tHE jAM sESSION,,,,  
AT: bUT,, i,, tHINK,, i,D lIKE tO cATCH uP  
AT: wHEN sHOULD,,,,,,wHEN sHOULD i cOME oVER,,,,  
TC: hOw AbOuT tOmOrRoW?  
TC: i ShOuLd HaVe EvErYtHiNg ReAdY bY tHeN  
AT: ,,,  
AT: rEADY,,,,  
TC: mY hIvE iS a MoThErFuCkInG mEsS bRo  
TC: i HaVeN't HaD tImE tO cLeAn It  
TC: ...  
TC: bEiNg MoThErFuCkInG iLl AnD aLl  
AT: oH yEAH,,,,  
AT: tHAT mAKES sENSE NOW,,,,,,,  
AT: i gUESS  
AT: sO,, i,LL,,,, sEE yOU tOMORROW?  
TC: cAn'T wAiT!

\-- terminallyCapricious [TC] stopped trolling adiosToreador [AT] at 8:20 --


	2. Tavros

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tavros suspected nothing when his friend invited him over. Meanwhile, Gamzee was preparing to do things that Tavros could never have imagined, even in his wildest nightmares.

Since Gamzee had thought about his plan, the voices had died down. Rather than shouting and overlapping, they were speaking in sync. Everything they said was helpful, which caused Gamzee to realise that the gods had a plan for him all along. He knew he trusted them for a reason. The distress the voices had previously caused had led up to him making his decision to mess around with his friends. Once that idea had entered his head, they calmed down. He realised that they were speaking to him, telling him what he needed to do and that he needed to follow it. Sighing, he went to sleep and actually made it through the day without a single dream or nightmare.

The next morning when Gamzee woke up, for the first time in a long time, he was looking forward to the day ahead. The voices were still rather loud, but they were speaking less rapidly. It not only surprised Gamzee, yet it also pushed some form of confirmation that what he was going to do would be good. 

\-- adiosToreador [AT] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC] at 21:07 --

AT: hELLO gAMZEE,,,  
AT: dO yOU sTILL,,, wANT mE aROUND tODAY  
TC: oF cOuRsE i Do TaVbRo  
TC: i EvEn ClEaNeD mY hIvE uP aLl NiCe  
TC: WhAt TiMe WeRe YoU pLaNnInG oN tUrNiNg Up?  
AT: wELL,,, i mESSAGED tO aSK iF yOU wERE rEADY fOR mE,,,,,  
AT: bUT,,, iF yOUR,E nOT, tHAT,S fINE,  
TC: oH dOn'T wOrRy YoUr HeAd OfF mY mIrAcUlOuS bRoThEr  
TC: ThAt'S mY jOb  
AT: uH,,,, wHAT  
TC: dOn'T wOrRy AbOuT iT  
AT: ,,,,  
AT: oKAY,,,  
AT: sHOULD i cOME rOUND nOW tHEN  
TC: sUrE  
TC: i'Ll ExPeCt YoU sOoN  
AT: bYE,,

\-- adiosToreador [AT] stopped trolling terminallyCapricious [TC] at 21:13 --

Tavros stepped away from his husktop, sighing as he stood up. He knew something was up with Gamzee but he couldn't figure it out.  
"I'll find out when I get there I guess." He spoke to himself. For some reason he felt the urge to look around his hive and take in the details. A strange feeling began to grow in his chest but he brushed it off. He hadn't seen Gamzee for a couple of months so he was probably just nervous about seeing him again. Even though he (and many of the others) lived with their respected dancestors, for some reason, Gamzee didn't. It might have been because Kurloz lived with Meulin, but he wasn't really sure why Kurloz moved in the first place. As far as he was aware, nobody else had moved into a hive that housed a 'family' different to their own. He sighed and realised he was starting to overthink things that weren't even relevant to his visit with Gamzee. 

Walking through his hive's 'kitchen', he said a brisk but polite goodbye to Rufioh, while awkwardly putting his jacket on. Once he was out of the door, he took a deep breath and let out a heavy sigh. The nighttime air was cold but refreshing, giving him an aid to clear his head properly. He took off and began walking his route to Gamzee's hive. It was a long walk away, but no more than an hour and a half or so. It's why it was better to visit other trolls during the day, only stay for a couple of hours, and then walk back to their own hive. Tavros was thankful that Gamzee wasn't bothered whether someone stayed for two days or half an hour. He was just glad to see trolls. At least Tavros /thought/ that.

Gamzee looked around his hive. There were some things he couldn't fix, like the claw marks on the walls that had ripped the wallpaper up, so he improvised and found some old paintings in a room which had been untouched for a good couple of sweeps. After putting them up, the scratches on the walls seemed almost invisible thanks to his voices' planned placements. Most of the broken things that littered his hive had been thrown carelessly into another spare room. Thankfully having a huge hive meant that there were many unused rooms, which came in handy for storing stuff that wasn't needed. His respiteblock was still a little messy but the voices spoke up and told him that if it was too clean, Tavros would suspect something was wrong. And they couldn't have that. 

After half an hour of trying to kill time, Gamzee heard a knock at the entrance to his hive. He jumped up but realised he couldn't let Tavros see him so stuck-up and did his best to pretend to be high on sopor slime. The voices advised him to smear a little on his cheek to try and make it seem like he had been eating it. Willingly, he accepted their advice and dipped his hand into his recuperacoon. After doing it, he sprinted down the stairs and to the door, worrying that he had perhaps made Tavros wait too long. 

'Calm down.'  
'He's only been there for two minutes.'  
'You used to take four minutes getting to the door.'  
'Stay calm and don't let him leave.'

He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly as he placed his hand on the door handle. Pushing it down, he pulled it open, letting a goofy smile take over his place just before they could see each other's faces. 

Tavros looked at the troll in front of him and the tight panic in his chest immediately went away. Of course Gamzee hadn't changed. He'd been ill and that was it. Gamzee invited him in, and they made small talk while they walked to his respiteblock. Gamzee opened it and another thought was settled in Tavros' mind. Same old Gamzee. He must have been tired the day before from all the illness that he'd been recovering from. That resulted in the strange cryptic messages which Tavros now knew were meaningless. 

Sitting down on a soft beanbag, Tavros watched Gamzee do the same across from him. 

"So how have you been?" He asked. Gamzee smiled as he thought for a minute.  
"I've been sick my brother. It's died down now so I'm feeling a lil' better. Thanks to the mirthful messiahs." There was a small pause as Tavros smiled and nodded. Almost everyone believed that these 'messiahs' didn't exist, but they respected Gamzee and let him believe in what he wanted to. They never said anything bad about them, just because they were being kind. Sure there were plenty of other trolls who weren't really Gamzee's friends, but he didn't take it to heart because, well, what do they know? 

"What have you been doing all this time? It must have been really boring and lonely. I know I'd feel that way." Tavros scrunched his lips to the side for a moment just before Gamzee started speaking.  
"It's not been too lonely." He murmured, "Mostly because I've been speaking to all of my friends while I've been stuck here." He gave Tav a wonky smile who, in turn, smiled back.  
"What about the boring bit?"  
"Oh yeah," Gamzee pretended to think for a moment, "it's been okay Tav, having fun with the sopor and the new "TV" which I was advised to get a while ago." When mentioning the TV, he used his fingers over the word. He didn't believe it should have been called that. 'Miraculous picture box' sounded better in his opinion. "It took me a while to set it up hehe." Tavros chuckled along with him, not really sure how to reply. He didn't feel the need to ask questions about it because he and Ruf had gotten one a few weeks beforehand. 

For a while, they chatted about the illness, how it felt etc. They covered a few more topics before Gamzee jumped into a different conversation.  
"Do you have any Fiduspawn stuff with you?" Gamzee looked at him with curiosity.  
"You already know I do! I never leave the house without it. I even have an Oogonibomb with me! Do you want to play?" Tavros became visibly excited. His bronze eyes had a light glow in them and he clearly couldn't stop the huge grin on his face.  
Gamzee couldn't deny the opportunity to have some fun with Tavros. For old time's sake.  
"You know I'll play but only for you Tavbro." Gamzee smiled back, trying to figure out when to proceed with his- the voices' plans. 

Tavros grabbed his jacket. He didn't actually put the cards and the Oogoni bomb in his pockets. They were already there because sometimes he was forgetful, and didn't pick his Fiduspawn stuff up. So, ultimately, he kept a pack of cards and a singular Oogoni bomb in the pockets for when he needed to go out. If he forgot his jacket then, well, that was a different sort of problem. 

After pulling everything out, he gently placed the Oogoni bomb on the floorspace between the two of them. He proceeded by dealing out the cards and trying to explain the instructions to Gamzee. (Gamzee could never really take in the rules in the past because his mind was elsewhere. Tav usually just played and let him watch. Nonetheless, Tavros was always thankful that Gamzee let him play.)

"Don't worry Tavbro. I know the instructions." Tavros' eyes widened,  
"But every time I explain them, you forget a moment after."  
"I don't forget brother, I just get distracted. I know the rules Tav." Tavros smiled a little, glad that Gamzee did actually take the information in, and wasn't just using it as an excuse to get out of playing. Tavros knew that Gamzee didn't make excuses or anything else, but there was always a small nagging doubt in the back of Tav's mind.

After dealing the cards out, Tavros and Gamzee played a quick game of 'rock, paper, scissors' to decide who got to use the Oogoni bomb first. Tavros won, and cheered triumphantly. Though he usually presented himself as shy most of the time, his competitive side always came out during FLARPing and Fiduspawn. 

"Here we go. Wait. Do you have plushies around?" Gamzee nodded and pointed to a cupboard built into the wall. He always kept some in case of emergencies... Emergencies that aren't important. Tavros stood up and retrieved some that looked, in some sort of creature's mind like a 'Hot Plush'. Coming back to sit down, Tavros decided they needed a little more floor space so he pulled his beanbag more away from Gamzee before sitting back down. Presenting the Hot Plush family to the floor, he then grabbed the Oogoni bomb and continued by throwing it against the floor (with surprising precision) right next to one of the Hot Plushies. The Fidusucker emerged from the bomb. It was weird to say the least. 

It immediately lunged for the Hot Plush and Gamzee looked away awkwardly. He didn't know how Tav could be so excited about watching the impregnation of a Hot Plush. After it had finished, the next Fidusucker burst out and another two Oogoni bombs were created. Gamzee felt himself starting to get into it. 

"Oooh! Two?! That's super rare within the first stages of the game!" Tavros excitedly blurted out at a rather fast pace. The bronze-blooded troll gently picked the two up, handing one to Gamzee. "It's not technically in the rules but, you can have this Oogoni bomb for when you get a card which tells you to use it!" The game was different between the time that a card would come up, allowing you to use the Oogoni bomb. The aim was to evolve the Fidusuckers until they were bigger and bigger, until the biggest one devoured the smaller ones. 

After a couple of hours, the two had created eighteen total Fidusuckers. Gamzee was responsible for 10 of them. But, of course, he didn't win. Tavros' first Fidusucker had grown the fastest and no matter how hard Gamzee tried, the cards just weren't on his side. Eventually, the winning Fidusucker ate all the others. Tavros cheered in triumph, while Gamzee chuckled dryly. Tavros didn't seem to notice the off tone in the laugh, and began packing his things away. As Tavros did so, the remaining Fidusucker went and curled up in the corner, seemingly taking a break. Gamzee didn't really blame it. He'd be tired after all of "that" too. 

"So, what do we do now Gamzee?" Before Gamzee could answer, Tavros made a small 'oh' sound. "Actually, it's getting pretty close to sunrise. I should get going soon." Gamzee panicked, feeling like his chance to get Tavros was slipping.  
"Before you go, do you want a drink? No point in making a motherfucker die of thirst on the way to his hive, right?" Gamzee smiled as he stood up, ready to go to the kitchen. He was in no way sure if Tav would say yes, or head home, but the voices advised him to give it a chance. Luckily Tavros accepted the offer of a drink, but told Gamzee he only wanted water. Thankfully, the sleeping drug was clear which meant no trouble was going to come out of Tavros. 

Walking back into his respiteblock, he handed Tavros his water, as he sat back with his own drink of the classic grape flavoured Faygo. He sipped slowly as he watched Tavros down the glass, clearly in a rush to get going. Gamzee wasn't offended since it was getting relatively close to sunrise, and he would have done the same if in Tav's position. Tavros thanked him and Gamzee stood up alongside the troll, before walking him to the door of the hive. Before he could open the door, Tavros mentioned feeling a little sick and dizzy. Gamzee had a chair nearby and took Tav to it, letting him sit down to catch his bearings. After a couple of minutes, Tav said he felt alright again and stood to leave the hive. 

Gamzee stayed near the chair and watched as Tavros dropped to the floor, just as he was about to open the door. 'Time to get to work', whispered the voices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >| Okay, so. I'm not exactly sure how Fiduspawn is properly played, or how other players can be involved, so I just sort of. Made a bunch of crap up. I did my best to be imaginative and I hope this game of 'Fiduspawn' made some sort of sense! This one's longer but I don't know if it's a good quality piece of writing hehe. |<

**Author's Note:**

> >| Hi! I'm sorry if this seems a little short-winded at the moment. I need to publish at least one chapter in case I don't write any more and the draft is deleted. :(  
> I hope it's okay for now though! If I got the quirks wrong, I can only apologise. However, I need some credit because typing the quirks out by hand is a mess, yet I think it's worth it in the end. 
> 
> I'll hush now. |<


End file.
